Surrogacy

When it's a period.

Trying to conceive is not an easy process, but that moment you get your period and you know, you know that for sure you are not pregnant is devastating. We are grateful to a client of ours who has shared how challenging trying to conceive has been for her, and just how difficult it is when it ends with a period. 

 

I never imagined that I would struggle with fertility. I suppose no one ever does. But somehow we are surprised whether we get pregnant quickly, or when we don't get pregnant at all. I've known people who planned for at least six months of trying before a positive pregnancy and then when that positive pregnancy happened right away they were actually disappointed and wished they had more time. On the other hand, I also have friends who have waited until all their ducks are perfectly in a row, and then when it doesn't happen right away it's heartbreaking. 

Back about 6 years ago, when the idea of kids was a little seedling, I had travelled to Chicago for the weekend with my married friends to catch a Cubs game. Like one does at a baseball game, in one of the oldest ball parks in the world, is to indulge in the park's delicacies - hot dogs and beer. We were of course disappointed to find the hot dog we had been given had been boiled, soggy, and limp, but nothing a little ketchup can't fix. 

After the game, my friend started to feel ill, so ill she spent the rest of the evening in the washroom, followed by the next two mornings, and our whole drive back to Toronto not feeling herself. Her husband and I could only assume it was the not so delicate hot dog, we clearly just had stomachs of steel. Turns out she was pregnant. That bad ballpark hotdog was her little man - we couldn't believe it - and well neither could she. 

The significance of this story is that I think about it often. Now that I'm trying to conceive, I seem to mistake my indigestion for a positive pregnancy on the regular... it can't be that chicken I ate!? It's been two years of trying, and it's tough. I always seem to waver between hopefulness and hopelessness. Every twinge I feel I wonder... could it be?? 

There are so many aspects that can be unpacked when trying to conceive, the monitoring, the fertility clinic, the fertility drugs, the constant stream of well intentioned but unsolicited advice. But it's that very real and very brief moment when you know you've got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find what little hope you have for another month of monitoring, tracking, and trying, is the one moment I struggle most with. That moment your body tells you another month has passed, another failed attempt. That moment you get your period. 

It feels weird to look back at those decades of relief (sometimes glee) when you get your period, and then just like that you dread it, and not just because of the bloating, and cramping, but because it simply magnifies the sadness, the sadness of another month gone and your dream of having a family a little more crushed. But then again, I can't help but feel hopeful as I near my expected period date, wondering if the bloating, or tiredness I feel is a sign of a positive pregnancy. And then it arrives, as if shedding the aftermath of a battle that's just happened in my uterus. And I feel a loss, a great loss. I had dreamed, hoped and imagined that I would soon begin a new life with babe in tow. But instead I have to clean up the blood and move on. A lost opportunity, and my life in suspension waiting for another month, another attempt, and potentially another loss.

Written by Spectrum Doula Collective Client

 

At Spectrum Doula Collective we work with families who are trying to conceive, we will attend important appointments at the fertility clinic for uncomfortable tests, such as the egg retrieval process, hysterosalipingogram (fallopian tube test), and insemination/in vitro fertilization. Our goal is to be emotional and physical support for our clients who are trying to conceive, or hope to be a parent later on.

 

 

 

My Body That Could. . . and Did!

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My journey to motherhood began in 2002, the year my husband and I were married. Right after our wedding we stopped all prevention and started down a long and bumpy road. After six years of tracking cycles, taking temps, ultrasounds, meds, and intervention, we came to a cross roads. We thought long and hard about what our next move would be in the mission to become parents, and like a ton of bricks it hit me, I didn't need to be pregnant, but I did need to be a mother. This propelled us onto another path where we would become foster parents, and eventually welcome, our now oldest daughter into our home and hearts. We had done it! We were parents and we were a family.

Our conceiving a biological child became insignificant and we looked forward to giving our all to our darling daughter. Less than a year after our daughter came to us I discovered I was pregnant. Sadly nine weeks later that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was so sad, so mad and for a long time never thought I would forgive my body for such a cruel trick. Months past, five to be exact and I was pregnant again! I was in disbelief, but in an instant, I knew what my miscarriage was meant to teach me, it taught me to believe in my body, have faith that it could do, what for so many months and years I was angry for it not doing.

We welcomed our second daughter into the world in April 2009.  Seven years after we began our journey to parenthood, there we were the beaming parents of two beautiful girls. My journey to motherhood had been full of so many emotions, and in the end the biggest one was joy. I knew if my body would allow me, I had to give that joy to another woman who was unable to carry a baby herself.

I set out to help a couple find that same joy of adding a biological child to their family. After discovering Joanne, Robyn and the Canadian Surrogacy Options agency, we found an incredible couple. In 2012, another beautiful baby girl was brought into this world, with the help of my body. A few months after she was born, I felt compelled to be a surrogate again. As much as I wanted to help another couple who had a long and heart-breaking path to grow their family, I was asking of my body for another miracle to share. CSO helped connect me with another couple and professionals to ensure that what my body needed to do was done safely and healthy for everyone involved. It was an honour again to help a couple in need and in 2014 we welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world…again my body did what I knew it could. I have been so blessed, so incredibly blessed to carry three children, one of them my own, and two whom I was able to give back to their mommies once they were ready for the world.

Becoming a parent wasn't easy; making my choice to become a surrogate was a simple choice and CSO added to that comfort, lending support every step of the way. Lending my body, opening my heart to a connection that no words can express has truly shaped my soul. Now, I am bigger part of the CSO family and have been given the opportunity to support other intended parents on their journey to making their dream of a family come true.

ABOUT JULIA HOWELL

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Julia began as a Surrogate with Canadian Surrogacy Option and has now joined the CSO team helping to support surrogates and intended parents through each of their respective journeys.  Julia is a mother of two, a surrogate of two and currently carrying her third gift of life for an excited couple from Newfoundland. She currently lives in Trenton with her family.

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate or in search of one, you can contact Julia and Canadian Surrogacy Options directly through any of their networks. Their egg-donation division, Little Miracles, is also available for anyone seeking services. And you can follow Canadian Surrogacy Options through Facebook and Twitter.